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Bosmer EU - [Bosmer] Feaiye - Critique Valued

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I loved this profile.
Posted Mar 25, 14 · Last edited Mar 25, 14
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I loved this profile.
Thank you very much, Vek!
I'll be going on EU. :)
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Posted Mar 25, 14 · OP
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Jes. The force is strong in this one.
Posted Mar 25, 14
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Quantum theory says that there are parallel universes that branch off from our own.

I like to think that Sikarani is Feayie's alternate universe self. It makes me feel better about the NA/EU divide. ;)
Posted Mar 25, 14
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Quantum theory says that there are parallel universes that branch off from our own.

I like to think that Sikarani is Feayie's alternate universe self. It makes me feel better about the NA/EU divide. ;)

Haha! My goodness, that's so cute. xD
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Posted Mar 25, 14 · OP
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Added Feaiye's fictional roles!

Minor - Characters who serve to complement the major characters and help move the plot events forward.

Dynamic - A dynamic character is a person who changes over time, usually as a result of resolving a central conflict or facing a major crisis. Most dynamic characters tend to be central rather than peripheral characters, because resolving the conflict is the major role of central characters.

Symbolic - A symbolic character is any major or minor character whose very existence represents some major idea or aspect of society.
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Posted Mar 25, 14 · OP · Last edited Mar 25, 14
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Come to NA!
http://www.guildwars2roleplayers.com/home/m/2737230/viewthread/22866336-new-haven-clinic-lions-arch/page/1

Would ya just look at it!? :p
Posted Mar 26, 14
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Added an in-game screenshot. :)
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Posted Apr 1, 14 · OP
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Added Feaiye's "theme song" . I generally don't like Face claims and theme songs, but I can't stop thinking about her when I hear this.
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Posted Apr 22, 14 · OP
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I noticed a few grammatical mistakes. One, it's entirely unfashionable to start sentences with "and" and "but" as well I noticed some awkward moments in sentence structure such as "her far too long a gown." The "a" in the sentence is entirely unnecessary and breaks up the sentence flow.

Also, in the sentence "... inevitable tedium which had been bestowed upon her..." requires a comma before the "which" because it's a non-restrictive clause.

Another bit is the listing of literary devices (dynamic, symbolic, minor characters) without any real explanation to why you're listing them other than the character may or may not fit into them. It feels a little gaggy/pretentious. It's in a similar vein to if I randomly started discussing TV Tropes on my character profile and other useless bits of information.

"It was not the freckles which dotted her face and body to keep her skin from holding a flawless complexion. And it was not the dirt hidden from under her nails which had been cleaned out hundreds of times, only to see it returned the next day."

Again with writing flow, breaking up these two sentences makes the read extremely awkward and fragmented. The physical description in general has a very awkward flow and I would consider some revision and better transitions.

Otherwise, interesting read!

.....

I N D A R Y N . .......... D R E S . .......... J U N I U S . ..........


.....
Posted May 5, 14
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