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Bosmer EU - [Bosmer] Feaiye - Critique Valued

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Thank you for your input! I am by no means a good writer and I have my own little way of making things "flow". I'm not quite sure how to fix it so until then I'll leave it like it is. :)
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Posted May 6, 14 · OP
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Great critique!
Posted May 6, 14
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Merh... I'd hardly call them great, if I'm being honest...
Perhaps it's different from my perspective, since I know how Vix writes. When she first was putting it together and I read over it for her I specifically said "It looks good. Some parts are written differently than I would but I know that's just how you express yourself. You don't want my writing up there, you want yours." The critique, both of them, were nice and all but were hardly necessary since in the end they're doing exactly what I made sure not to; change the style to a "norm" as opposed to the writer's own.

But it's nice to see people willing to take time and do so much though. Community service and all.
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Posted May 6, 14 · Last edited May 6, 14
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wrote:
Merh... I'd hardly call them great, if I'm being honest...
Perhaps it's different from my perspective, since I know how Vix writes. When she first was putting it together and I read over it for her I specifically said "It looks good. Some parts are written differently than I would but I know that's just how you express yourself. You don't want my writing up there, you want yours." The critique, both of them, were nice and all but were hardly necessary since in the end they're doing exactly what I made sure not to; change the style to a "norm" as opposed to the writer's own.

But it's nice to see people willing to take time and do so much though. Community service and all.

I'll have to agree to disagree with you, friend. One because your text is blue, but mostly because it's completely baseless with very little research. I have to applaud the person who critiqued it after me, they did a wonderful job at actually pointing out where the writing did not flow well and even added ways to fix it. You can write with your voice, and still have decent writing flow. Case in point, if you looked at my profile you would see that my writing style does not settle into "the norm" in any way.

If I'm being honest, I would call Forest Guard's great and my critique normal/average. Mine mainly touched on grammatical issues which is a bit less subject to interpretation and much more concrete where Forest Guard delved into the more "important" subjects of writing flow.

That being said, I'm glad the poster valued our criticism!

In addition, I believe I've seen her criticize other people's posts as well, which is totally okay. Criticism is a part of writing and improving your writing, and it looks like the poster is fully aware of that and mature about it.

Edit: I also feel like I didn't add enough praise to the criticism! xD Sandwiching is good, so I would like to say that the drawn picture of her looks awesome and kudos! I'm also a fan of the role-play preferences and dislikes for the most part. All of them.

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I N D A R Y N . .......... D R E S . .......... J U N I U S . ..........


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Posted May 6, 14 · Last edited May 6, 14
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Spoiler: Putting my reply in here to keep distracting from the actual profile.Show
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Posted May 6, 14
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I'm not going to bog this profile down with much further, but for starters I wasn't talking about researching her own writing as much as the people critiquing it. You made it very clear in your first post how much "research" you have on the other side. You're right, they can be used correctly, which is a conversation I had with a person earlier. They weren't used correctly, though. The only time they need to start with a sentence is if it is for an effect. Cormac McCarthy for one does this now and again with his writing, which I love. He starts a sentence but it's to have an effect. If there's not an effect, then starting it like that is another example of how it can break flow.

Also, I finished the sentence, it's a non-restrictive clause. It requires the comma. There's no need to argue about that, it's just a simple rule and an easy fix: put the comma.

Finally, the blue thing was a joke. I'm sorry, it was meant to be absurd and silly to lighten the mood.

I'm not going to be posting after this because I feel like a grammar debate on a profile is unnecessary. She can choose to fix the errors or choose not to, it's her choice. She is a big girl and seems, from my brief interaction with her, more than capable of handling herself. xD Much respect for her, actually.

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Posted May 6, 14 · Last edited May 6, 14
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Let's refrain from critiquing the critique, please.

Discussions such as those above can be taken elsewhere, such as in private messages or to separate forum thread.
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Posted May 6, 14
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In order to respect and comply with the instruction from the site administrator above, I will not elaborate on the glaring flaws of the grammatical critique beyond what has been said already.

I will only say, having read the introduction and the brief story, that the personal voice of this particular writer is worth nurturing even at the expense of perfect fidelity to syntax. Keep at it, Feaiye.
iRwn3bo.pngGalien Caristo, old Altmer mage; Chanticleer, big, dumb Argonian brute; Henri Martin, inept Breton joke; D'jeme Shokola, former Redguard knight; Solmund Bruknytta, Nord fisherman-werewolf.
Barra agea ry sou karan
Posted May 6, 14
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wrote:
In order to respect and comply with the instruction from the site administrator above, I will not elaborate on the glaring flaws of the grammatical critique beyond what has been said already.

I will only say, having read the introduction and the brief story, that the personal voice of this particular writer is worth nurturing even at the expense of perfect fidelity to syntax. Keep at it, Feaiye.

That is a very sweet and heartwarming comment. Thank you, Galien. :)
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Posted May 6, 14 · OP
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