Morndas, 6th day of Last Seed, 2E 583
I am still alive. Well, I don't feel it right now. I seem to have drank quite a bit last night. Enough to put me to sleep anyway. My head is pounding and I haven't a clue where I am, but this bed is cozy so I will remain here until some one familiar comes or I decide to leave. I have so much to write but I really just can't be assed to catch myself up... So I will shorten it. I was not chosen for the Black Marsh job. I returned to Skyrim for not a week, meeting a woman named Fyre on the run from Daggerfall. I think she was younger, but she liked me and I felt bad so I took her under my wing for a little while. I took her back into Morrowind and we got along fairly well, but during the night while camping in Stonefalls she disappeared. I hope she's okay. If she were abducted you'd think they would have taken me too but maybe she simply left. Either way, that is probably better for me anyway. I don't know how I was going to cater for her back in Mournhold. I can barely cater for myself, and who knows what the Morag Tong would think of me bringing an outsider around with me? It would be hard a hard secret to keep with a room mate anyway. Some more days passed; Uneventful. Training. Drinking. I drink more. I drink a lot more often, now. Subconsciously I know I have a problem. But I don't want to admit it. Is it me admitting it as I write it out here this afternoon? Maybe? Questions. Why do I drink? To relax. It makes me feel good. Forget about things with the Tong. I'm just stressed is all. On a lighter note, I've met Dolorous my side of Tamriel this time- unexpectedly. I went drunk in front of her, embarassingly. I hope she didn't mind. Actually I got drunk in front of her twice now, counting last night. Last I could remember I took another trip to Daggerfall to visit her and the Order. Fine people, they are. But it seems every time I visit there is something dramatic going on that has me out of the loop entirely. Not that I feel like I'm not welcome... Just, like I don't belong? Maybe I'm different. I'm no Knight. They are. Most of them, anyway. There's that one nice older woman, Cloddagh or however you'd spell her name. I think Dolorous likes her. I can see it. I hope I'm not intruding upon anything. Happy for them both if that is the case. I have yet to find any one I truly love in life and I am starting to think that perhaps I have a destiny for myself, in my lonesome - which, I am not opposed to having. Most men are tacky anyway and there have been very few women I've found attractive enough in my time. I don't think I have the guts to ask anyone out myself anyway... On a side note,I have been spending quite a bit more time outside of Morrowind than I should, but I'm just never called upon to conduct writs anymore. Is it because I am an Outlander? Do the other agents trust me for being a Nord? It's a question I think that I'll ask myself for the rest of my life. Some days I feel as such, but then there are other times that I am welcomed with open arms. Perhaps it's a test, or maybe it's because they just need something from me at that very moment. I don't know.... Do I even classify as an outlander as a non-dunmer member of the Tong? I'm kind of scared to ask, and my handler has been awfully quiet lately. I will remain in Daggerfall for a few more days before returning to Morrowind again.. I just need to figure out where in Oblivion I am right now. Curse me for reaching such a level on intoxication.....
Posted Aug 6, 18
· Last edited Aug 6, 18